How Would Jesus Treat a Post-Abortive Woman?

This is passage from Pastor Paul's novel: Religious Right Religiously Wrong; A Modern Day Parable. In this story, Joseph, the story's Jesus archetype, is a mysterious man who has shown up in a conservative Christian town and is causing quite a stir. Having supernatural knowledge of a woman's secret of a previous abortion, the two work through what a response has been for the woman and what a new interaction with that memory might be - even if the men sitting at her lunch table would disagree...

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...“An abortion, you’ve had one,” Joseph repeated, "right?"

Becky leaned back slightly, searching his face for clues as to this stranger’s motivation for saying such a thing. All she saw was kindness. Becky felt strangely drawn to him and sensed this wasn’t an accusation, but rather a non-judgmental fact.

“Who is this guy?” she thought. Whoever he was, Becky felt something overcome her desire to run from her very public display. Whether it was his reassuring voice or those twinkling, caring eyes, Becky felt she could reveal something no other human knew.

She nodded as her eyes fell to the floor with a fresh wave of tears.

“Yes, I have,” she said softly, “and if what Pastor Saul said is true, then I’m a murderer.”

Becky noticed the three men at her table were watching. She bowed her head into the palm of her hand, a wave of vulnerability overcoming her.

“Oh my God,” she said, wiping her eyes again. “Obviously, this has hit a button in me.”

“Absolutely. A button you’ve kept hidden for years,” Joseph responded sympathetically. “I’m so sorry you’re feeling embarrassed—it’s completely understandable—but I promise it’s good this’s coming out.”

Becky looked around the room.

“How can this be good?”

“I suspect the hard woman you project isn’t exactly who you really are,” he answered. Becky looked up, her face stern, ready to protest.

“Wait, don’t get me wrong,” Joseph interjected before she could speak, “you’re brilliant. But it seems you think you have to be tough—and maybe that’s just your way—to keep everyone at a distance.” Becky tilted her head to the side and crossed her arms over her chest.

“You don’t know anything about me,” she finally was able to say.

“I know what heaven has shown me,” Joseph responded, his cheeks bunching up in a warm, inviting smile. Becky knew BS and she knew gamesmanship. She stared at Joseph, searching for any selfish motives in this discussion. His brown eyes were piercing, and she suddenly felt as if Joseph had some mystical ability to stare into her soul.

Becky always kept herself guarded and in control, but now she shifted uneasily.

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“What? Like... God told you things about me?”

“Some people call it intuition, or something like that. But 'heaven,' 'divine truth,' whatever you call it is always ready to speak to us if we’ll listen, and sometimes I hear or sense things from above.”

“Why would... heaven or God or anyone else up there tell you things about me?”

“So you know that you are known in the universe.” Becky couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t think God cares about me. God and I haven’t talked in a long time. Maybe you need to ring another voice up there.” Joseph placed a hand on each of her arms and looked at her with a seriousness that made her joke die in her throat.

“Rebecca,” Joseph said, his tone—and her full name—catching Becky’s undivided attention. ”The spirit of heaven told me you’ve not only had one abortion, but you’ve had two.” Becky felt the earth move under her feet and she reached for the wall to steady herself.

“I’ve never told anyone about that,” she said. Shame rushed to her face, tightening her cheeks as tears began to stream down.

“Hey, there’s no God in heaven on earth or anywhere that condemns you and neither do I,” Joseph stated emphatically. “Providence brought us to this restaurant so you’d know you’re worthy of love, no matter what secrets you’ve needed to keep.” Becky considered Joseph’s words.

“But isn’t it a sin?” She asked softly.

“Is it?” Joseph asked. “Show me in the Bible where it says a desperate young person making the best decision they know how to make is a sin.” Becky found Joseph too good to be true, yet she couldn’t deny he’d just told her things about her life he couldn’t have known on his own. Joseph had shared her deepest secret with so much kindness, it had flipped on a light switch deep inside.

“I... uh... I was stupid—both times,” she began in unsolicited confession. “The first time happened with my high school boyfriend, Bryan. Our families went to the same church.” Suddenly, Becky saw Joseph look past her and felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Forgive me for intruding,” said Elsa in a low voice. Becky looked up at the taller woman offering a napkin to replace Becky’s saturated tissue. “I couldn’t help but overhear and I know others can hear, as well. Perhaps it might be better if you all moved someplace a little more private?”

“Thanks Elsa.” Joseph gestured to his right. “Over here is the room where I do my storytelling. We can talk privately there.” Becky considered if she should go into that room. With the momentum of the discussion ended, maybe she had an escape route from the intimate sharing. But there remained a strange desire to know more about what Joseph was saying. Had she wrongly judged herself for this secret she alone had carried? She decided to follow Joseph and Elsa into the musky room. It looked more like storage space than a place for story telling. Boxes of restaurant items were stacked all around. Joseph grabbed three folding chairs that had been leaning against the wall and they were seated with Joseph straight ahead of Becky and Elsa to her side.

“You were looking for someone to love you, weren’t you, Becky?” Joseph asked, nudging Becky forward in her story. “Yeah. I had a good family, but Bryan made me feel special. My dad...” her voice trailed off.

”He didn’t show his love to you as well as you might have hoped,” Joseph finished her thought. “So you looked for love in this boy.” Becky nodded again, her breath catching as she attempted maintain composure.

“Oh God, I was so stupid,” she moaned. Becky knew she was completely out of character now, feeling emotions and questions she’d kept locked away. “I was sixteen freaking years old. I didn’t know what the hell to do.”

The sobs came quickly and loudly as years of pent up pain flowed from her. Elsa leaned in and held her hand.

"I guess I decided I’d rather go to hell than tell my dad I’d had sex."

“I felt like what I was doing was wrong, but there I was at the clinic. It was surreal.” Becky stared ahead deep in thought, searching for an expression of what she felt that day.

“I’d been taught all my life I was going to hell if I had sex. But an abortion?” She paused again, edging a deep well of pain. She could barely get out what came next. “I thought, in my heart, I was damned for what I was doing.” She looked at Joseph, trying to judge his approval or disapproval. She was certain he was a religious man, and she expected her story would drive him to judge her, as had every other Christian she’d ever known. Seeing Joseph’s unflinching look at her, however, prompted her to continue.

“I guess I decided I’d rather go to hell than tell my dad I’d had sex.” Becky heard Elsa sniffle and saw sympathetic tears in the woman’s eyes. Elsa wasn’t running away either. Becky realized these people, odd as it was, seemed to care about her. Why had she waited to share with anyone? “What kind of a God would hate a young girl for making such a decision?”

Becky’s skin prickled, her physical senses opening up as she churned with memories.

“You’re sitting in this clinic... I wanted my mom there with me. But I’m alone in the clinic waiting room, with a handful of girls who’s had so much purity culture shame heaped on them we couldn’t even look one another in the eye.” The three sat silent for a moment. “I remember freaking yacht-rock playing in the waiting room speakers. Like, ‘hey, just another fucking day!’”

Becky had been holding back her usual language, assuming Joseph wouldn’t appreciate her gutter-talk. But the painful memories unleashed her language and emotions like a flood.

”SHIT! I was sixteen, goddammit! How could I have a baby?” She sniffled. “I couldn’t go to an R-rated movie without my mom, yet fucking Christianity told me I had to keep this a secret, even from her. So, there I was...”

“You did what you thought was best,” Elsa empathized with a squeeze of Becky’s hand.

“After it’s over, they hand you some pamphlets and send you on your way. I went home and heard my mom in the kitchen so I ran to my room. I couldn’t tell her.” Becky realized Joseph was listening intently, not saying a word. It was exactly what she needed. Her breath slowed a bit.

“My relationship with my mom was never the same,” Becky sighed, wiping her nose. “Mom knew something was wrong, but I never told her.” Joseph let out a long exhale.

“A young girl shouldn’t have to carry such pain alone, should she?”

“Hey, I sucked it up and went on with life,” Becky’s words will almost spat from her mouth. “Bryan wondered why I wouldn’t let him to touch me anymore...” Becky’s tears had soaked the napkin through. Elsa got up and opened a box of paper towels nearby, handing a stack to Becky.

“The second time was with my asshole college boyfriend, Alex.” It was all coming out, now, so Becky saw no reason to stop. “He told me he didn’t believe the baby was his. I think it was but... he had reason to believe it might not be.”

Becky noticed Elsa glance away likely to avoid any misunderstood reaction to Becky’s admitted indiscretions. Joseph, on the other hand, continued to look directly at her, with the same caring face he’d worn the whole time.

“I thought the second abortion would be easier, but I went into a deep, dark place,” she said. “Not only because I felt guilty for terminating the pregnancy, but now I felt something must be really wrong with me for feeling this badly about it.”

“What do you mean?” asked Elsa. “Why’d you think there was something wrong with you?”

“I was so depressed—like postpartum. I mean, you’re told it’s like having a skin tag removed. What the hell was my problem, feeling it was something more? I mean that’s what we’re told by our church, right? By our parents? I’ve always wondered if I was the only woman who felt this way. Mourning for an abortion?”

“Life got to you, Becky, but now a heart healing is coming.” Joseph smiled at her. “Tell us about your little girl.”

Becky had observed Joseph’s supernatural intuition in action already today, but it still surprised her. She pointed at the ceiling.

“Another message from...?”

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“Yes, from heaven. Your daughter is a gift to you.” This was still very strange for Becky. She looked at Elsa who shrugged as if to say she wasn’t sure what was happening here either. Becky was surprised to find Joseph’s insight into her life didn’t make her as uncomfortable this time. In fact, it made her want to hear more of what he had to say.

“She’s a gift even though she came from another stupid mistake?” Becky said with a shake of her head. “I couldn’t believe I ended up pregnant a third time. This time, though, I sure as hell knew I was keeping the baby.” Becky started to continue her thought, then broke down again, burying her face in a paper towel.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” asked Elsa, patting Becky’s shoulder. Becky struggled to continue before collecting herself.

“When I saw the ultrasound of Esther, my daughter - She’s six now...” she hesitated a moment. “When I saw the picture of Esther inside of me, I wondered if the other pregnancies...” The struggle inside Becky showed on her face. “I’ve always believed in a woman’s right to choose, but seeing that picture, well...?”

Becky felt Elsa’s hug again as she wiped her face.

“To survive, I had to put the notion away that I’d done something horrible, but Pastor Saul brought it all back today.”

“Christians often don’t know any better than to be condemning and self-righteous,” Joseph responded, “but heaven holds nothing against you, Becky.”

“You should feel proud,” he continued. “You’ve made a life for yourself and your daughter, even though you were impacted by your shame and self-judgment more than you knew.” Joseph touched her shoulder. Becky felt a powerful connection in that touch.

“Rebecca.”

The tone of his voice was now like a father, even though Becky was sure she was a bit Joseph’s elder. She looked up from the paper towel.

“I want you to know you’re good. These secrets came to me for a good purpose. Even though your parents were not able to love you well, you are so valuable in the universe. You're connected to eternal love beyond measure.” A strange rush of self-acceptance made its way down Becky’s spine. As her body responded to Joseph’s words, her mind continued to argue.

“But I’ve done so many things wrong.”

“Heaven knows why you did those things,” Joseph assured her. ”The Bible says sin is for those who know right things to do but don’t do them. Nothing is held against those just finding natural human coping mechanisms to survive. Needing a loving touch, you reached for it in the only way you knew how. Finding yourself in a spot where you felt you couldn’t be the mother a baby needed, you made the decision you felt was best. Assuming these things would hurt your mom and dad and maybe causethem to reject you? You kept a hard secret.” Becky saw a soft smile form on Joseph’s lips.

“There is no condemnation on you for doing what you did,” he said. “You’re completely good, Becky Townsend. Free from all guilt and all the secrets of your life.” Becky shook her head and looked at the floor. Could this be true? Could she really not have to be ashamed of all she’d done? Becky felt a lightness inside replacing the weight that had been there before. She’d always felt the need to impress people, but Joseph and Elsa seemed to be OK with her — secrets and all. At that thought, Becky couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to hug a surprised Joseph.

“I don’t know why I believe you, Joseph,” she said, “but I do. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“You’re the reason I was brought here,” Joseph laughed, returning the hug. “You’re worth the journey and time, Becky.” Becky felt Joseph disengage and look at his watch.

“Speaking of time, I better get back to my job or Mr. Abraham’s not going to be happy.”

“I went to church as a kid,” said Becky thoughtfully as the three stood from their seats. “I heard about God all the time, but I never heard of anything like this.”

“Me either,” said Elsa.

“Sometimes in church we forget how amazing love really is.” Joseph folded his chair and leaned it against the wall as the three moved from the backroom into the main dining area of the North End Grill.

“Becky, heaven wants you to know each day you were at the abortion clinic, angels were there with you.” He smiled at her, “You felt alone and scared, but angels were dispatched to watch over you.”

“Angels in an abortion clinic?” Becky exclaimed before the sound of Elsa’s cleared throat interrupted her thought. Becky’s new friend nodded her head towards the restaurant seating area causing Becky to realized she was close enough to be heard by the men still sitting at her table. She was too intrigued by the conversation, however, to end it. “Really?”

Becky lowered her voice.

“I thought no angel would go within twenty miles of that place.” Nothing in Becky’s upbringing gave her any understanding of such a thing.

“You know the Bible story of the death on the cross, right?” Joseph said, his excitement seemingly overcoming any worry others could hear. “Well, that story demonstrated that death is not an end, but a transition. Fear of death was defeated right there. So, we don’t have to be afraid.”

Becky had heard the Easter story hundreds of time in her life, but never had it been real or mattered to her personally. Relating it to her own life—applying it to her worst guilt—made Becky feel fresh air coming into herlungs; like exiting a hospital and being free of its antiseptic atmosphere. Maybe there is some version of a God in heaven, and maybe, like it said on Joseph’s T-shirt, that god wasn’t mad at her.

“Joseph, I don’t know what to say.” Becky stood up straight, separating herself from the hallway wall.

“No one has ever talked to me about this part of my life. Why don’t more Christians sound like you?” Becky saw Joseph glance towards Saul at the table.

He turned back, replacing his busboy apron as he said, “Let’s say a person with a broken arm is going to have a hard time helping another person reset their broken arm. Most Christians don’t realize how free they can be to show love because they don’t feel worthy of love themselves.” Joseph headed towards the kitchen and Becky peeked back at her table, locking eyes with Saul. She was surprised to see anger—his faced pulled into a tight grimace and his hands clenched together as he leaned on his elbows. She wondered if she could explain to those men what had occurred. She wasn’t even sure she could make sense of it. This made her smile. She didn’t feel the need to explain anything to them. She thought now she could just be herself.

”Oh Joseph,” Becky said, thinking one last thought. “If I decided to go to church, would you go with me?” She saw Joseph glance across the room at Saul.

“Well, I did receive an invitation to a church today,” he said with a smile.